Things are (slowly) changing.

My life is still in turmoil but there are a few things that are changing for the good. I called My Turn a GED program in my town and I am starting October 6th. I will be going Monday-Friday from 9am-12am. So much better than regular school. My mom's going to my high school Monday to sign me out. I'm also still in the works of getting a job, which isn't as easy to get as I thought. Not a lot of places hire at 16-years-old. But I might be working at a local supermarket. One of my teachers at the high school knows the hiring manager and he's putting in a good word for me. So hopefully I'll get the job and start as soon as possible. I'm so sick of begging my parents for money. Besides, they never have any to give.

There's a few downsides to all of this though. I'm a little sad that I won't be graduating with my class in two years. I was looking forward to walking up the stage and getting my diploma and proving everyone wrong who said I would never do it. It's okay though; a GED is basically the same thing as a diploma. Right? But a lot of people don't believe in me and are saying I'm a loser for dropping out of school. But what they don't seem to understand is that I have a plan in place--I'm gonna get my GED, get a job, and eventually go to college. I would like to one day work with animals; maybe in an animal shelter. They think I'm gonna do the same thing as my older cousin--drop out of school and do nothing. No way, I have goals and I'm going to fulfill them. I'll prove everyone wrong! Well, I'm gonna go and call the manager for the supermarket and see what's going on with the job.
September 26, 2008.

Poem about DXM.

I have been struggling with over-the-counter cough supressants - Coricidin Cough and Cold, Robitussin - to get high. The reason they get you high is the DXM they contain. Here's a poem I wrote about it, and how it makes me feel:

Drowning in sorrow
Overcome by anger
I can’t control it
To me, I’m a stranger

I look in the mirror
On the other side I see
The reflection of an ugly girl
Staring back at me

This isn’t the real me
If only you knew
I’m sorry
I didn’t mean to do this to you

The addiction is strong
It consumes all my thoughts
I don’t want to do this
I just can't stop.

Confused.

My day has not been going good at all today. Here's what's going on: I went to school today and didn't want to be there so I left the school. Yeah, I just walked out the door. I know it probably wasn't the smartest thing to do, but I needed to get out of there. So I went to Walgreens, which is right by my school, to use the payphone. I called my mom and she was pissed at me. Oh well. So she had my aunt pick me up because her car is in the shop. My aunt got me and told me, like everyone else in my family, that she's disappointed with me. Blah, blah, blah. So when I went home my mom was yelling at me because I always get suspended or just walk out of school. She said that she wants to put me in a residential program because my behavior is 'self destructive.' She's talking about it with my teachers and therapist. Yeah, well, she can talk to them all she wants but I'm NOT going into a program. No way. I was in one before and they suck. It didn't even help me. It made me worse. So now everyone in my family hates me and to be honest I really don't care. I'm not going to change just because they want me to. I have to want to chage in order to change; and I don't want to. I like the way I am right now and don't want to change things. I don't care if other people don't like what I'm doing. They can't and won't stop me from doing what I want. Anyways, I gotta go, my mom's yelling at me... again.
Krista.

High School Diploma or GED?

I am so confused about school. Here's what's going on: I am a sophomore in high school and hate it, so I want to go to night school instead to get my GED, which I believe is the same thing as a diploma. Am I right? So I've been looking for night schools in my area and I have found quite a few that I'd like to apply to. I'm also currently in the process of getting a job at my local supermarket. The only problem is that I want to go to college badly to be a Veterinary Technician, but I don't know if I can do that with just a GED. I heard that with a GED you can go to a community college and then transfer to a state college... I'm just not sure if I can do all that. I'm only 16, that's a lot to think about. I mean think about it. Once I get out of night school I'd probably go straight to a community college. That's a lot for someone my age. I guess I just really have to give this a lot of thought.