I've come to the conclusion

that I have really bad sleeping problems.
I fell asleep at 8:30 pm and woke up at 12:00 am and not I can't get back to bed. This sucks hardcore.
I'm gonna be so tired today because the day before today I didn't sleep at all. So I got like, 3 hours of sleep in 2 days; that's bad...
=/

No one likes me.

No lie.
My family hates me.
But, I don't care anymore.
I'm done.
I can't impress everyone.
=/

I don't even know who I am anymore...

I've changed so much.
I'm evil, conniving, a bad friend etc. All I do is hurt the people I love the most.
Who am I? I don't know anymore...
I don't know if I like what I've become... I just don't know anymore.
I keep hurting the people I love and it's fucked up. I'm done hurting people.
I'm just gonna keep to myself and associate with no one.
I can't associate with people if I'm just gonna keep hurting them, it's not fair to them or me.
=/

I'm a psyhcho?

Today was pretty freaking crazy and I acted like a total psycho.
My mom said I could go to the mall with my cousin so I got ready and everything and then the bitch tells me she's not taking me. So that, naturally, set me off and I freaked out. I kept hitting my head on things [now my head hurts wicked bad!] and threatening to do something crazy. They said that I couldn't go because I was "up so something." They think I was gonna get high, which, in all honesty, that was the plan. Lol. But anyways, so they said I couldn't go and I didn't like that so I screamed wicked loud for like ten minutes and scratched my arm. I kept hitting my head, yelling, scratching myself, slapping myself, etc. It was pretty crazy, and now I look back and I'm like "wow, Krista, was that really necessary?!" It wasn't. But I get tunnel vision when I'm angry and I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing.
Well, I'm okay now but I think my mom hates me. But I really don't care. I hate her too!
Oh, and I also was supposed to go to that drug group therapy thing and I didn't go.
My therapist and other people in my life will not be happy with me tomorrow.
Oops...

I surprisingly like this song... a lot.

I'm morbid.

Is Oli Sykes not gorgeous?!

Have your nails scratched the deepest? Have you broken skin this time?

I cut.
I slipped and just cut.
I couldn't help it.
I'm in a lot of emotional pain right now.
I don't know anymore.
=/

Grrrr!

Well, my cousin called me earlier and said we need to take a break from each other.
Not only is she my cousin but she's my best friend. =/
This is all because she's studying the stupid bible and now we have nothing in common!
I hate this so much. Religion ruins everything in my opinion...
Because she's studying the bible now we have to go our own ways! That's stupid and I'm pissed, sad and hurt.
This sucks so bad.
=/

Like Knives by City And Colour!

Like Knives - City And Colour

Your words are like knives
They peel my skin and pierce my soul...
Your body will burn tonight...
Though your heart may still remain cold

And I will blame myself
And I will blame myself
For holding on to what I hoped would keep you by my side
I will blame myself

The Sheets are stained with...
Memories of your soft kiss
Now this is all I have
Paper and pen to remember you with

And I will blame myself
And I will blame myself
For holding on to what I hoped would keep you by my side
I will blame myself
Can I have you...

I need him... now!

Weed is good

so give me some, now!
My brother's gonna smoke and he wont gimme any!
RAWR!
That's not fair, at all!
Te's so greedy.
Aaahhhh!!
Whatever. I'm gonna go read Eclipse!
:D

Cafeteria Scene in Twilight!

Dallas Green aka City And Colour<3

My Myspace and AIM

Myspace: myspace.com/boopamarie

AIM: Boopa x Speaking

:D

update.

not much has been going on even tho i haven't written in like, forever.
well, actually, i was hospitilized for a suicide attempt...
but i'm kinda better now. i'm on zoloft and abilify and it's helping me.
i go to a group for kids with drug issues. it's every wednesday.
the only drug i do now is marijuana. is that even a drug? haha.
i haven't done the cough and cold medicine in, i don't even know how long. so that's good.
i do miss it tho. everyday i have the urge to get high and the smallest things trigger me. but i've learned to control it. and i'm still working on coping skills for when i want to get high; that's what the drug group is for.
uhm, let's see...
oh, i've lost like, 10 pounds, so that made me really happy!
well, i'll wrap it up and update later.
no one reads this anyways.
:D